It's a perfect night for mischief.

I'm going to wear my Incredibles mask when I hand out candy.

The Rude Pundit weighs in on the Alito nomination.

The folks at Daily Kos offer up a less obscene take.

Also, Slick Willy strikes again. C'mon, Bill, get your hand off her or at least take the other hand out of your pocket. Look at her face. She can totally feel Clinton's hand on her.

It was so nice outside when I went out to get the pumpkin off the porch that I decided not to carve the jack-o-lantern in the kitchen. I ended up behind the garage listening to my iPod with the pumpkin on the picnic table. It was so nice and peaceful. Well, except for the feeling of impending squirrel attack. I had to go inside a couple times in the middle of it and each time I was sure that a squirrel would've knocked it off the table or taken up residence inside the pumpkin when I got back. I think the jack-o-lantern turned out alright. It should look pretty cool tonight with a candle in it.

The rumors tuned out to be true, TerrorMania will be closed next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. That means that I will only be working there one more night, next Saturday from 7:00 to midnight. That's right, only one more chance to watch me make an ass of myself.

You should know that there is an above average chance that I'll be completely half-assing it (half-assing making an ass of myself? How many asses does that add up to?), but on the other hand, I'll have a whole week off so maybe I'll be into it again.

Even if I am half-assing it they're cutting the admission price in half for next Friday and Saturday so you really can't complain.

First Sheryl Swoops and now George Takei.

Who's next?

You know homosexuals come out of the closet in threes.

Two things that cause me to start ranting:
1. A professional baseball player reaching to tag a runner.
2. People saying ignorant things about homeschoolers.

I almost forgot, the high point of the night last night was when the Penguins scored the Chili Goal.

Simon glanced at his brother and sister and drew himself up, trying to look as dignified as it is possible to look in shorts and sandals.

It's the 40th anniversary of Susan Cooper's Over Sea, Under Stone, the brilliant start to the Dark Is Rising series.

You can keep your Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. For my money, the only fantasy series' worth anything are the Dark Is Rising and Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy.

The odd point of the night: First, a little background. Officially, I'm in the role of the Mad Scientist at TerrorMania, but a few times I've had to be the Morgue Guy as well and work two rooms at once; the morgue and then the laboratory. The morgue has a very loud soundtrack of a beating heart and a beeping heart monitor. As the Morgue Guy I sit, gently rocking, on a scale facing away from the people as they enter the room. When they get next to me I turn and yell like they've scared me. I stare at them for a moment and then start beeping.

Tonight I'm only working as the Mad Scientist. A group comes into the room before the morgue, the dungeon. I get ready. As this group is moving through the morgue, a second group enters the dungeon. The first group gets to me and I jump out and do my thing. I quickly duck back into my cabinet and peek through the hole in the wall were I can see people before they get to the laboratory. By the time I look through the hole the second group is already moving into the room. I get back into position to jump out. Again, I jump out and do my thing. Most of the group is half way through the room but I get the end of the group.

So, I'm standing on my table yelling or muttering after the group. The first girl in the group catches my eye from across the room. She looks at me, smiles knowingly, and says "beep beep beep beep".

Totally weirded out, I retreat back inside my cabinet.

The high point of the night: Four eleven-ish year old boys are walking towards my room. Travis, in the room before mine, had done his thing and scared the boys. As they approach my room I hear one of the boys say derisively "Jacob, you were scared." I time my entrance perfectly and all four boys stagger backwards a couple steps as I appear as if out of nowhere. No one is making fun of Jacob anymore.

All week I've been trying to remember the name of a girl I went to school with. We used to talk in class and we bonded over our mutual love of free food. By chance, we ended up hanging out a couple times at the Three Rivers Arts Festival a couple years ago. Unfortunately, I lost her phone number in a tragic filing mishap.

I totally have a system when I can't remember someone's name. I clear my head, think about the person, and slowly run through the alphabet. 99% of the time this works. Sadly, there are a few flaws in it. The major flaw being it doesn't seem to work for people whose names start with 'm' or 'n', don't ask me why.

I run her through the system but come up blank.

Luckily, there's a happy ending. While driving to work last night, I flipped on 3WS in the middle of a Rod Stewart song. Rod's singing about playing pool or going back to school or something.

Suddenly it hits me.

Her name is Margaret.

Thank you, Rod Stewart.

Three things I was shouting last night:
1. Tell me what you don't like about yourself?
2. You're a man trapped in the body of a woman!
3. You'll be pissing black by morning!

Two things I should’ve said last night:

• To the guy who wanted me to remove his Adam’s apple (wtf?!?): “Do you want the rest of the sex change operation?”
• To all the kids that asked where the body on the table’s penis is: “In my vagina.”

The Parents Television Council on my favorite tv show:

9. Arrested Development

Fox/ 8:00 Monday - Returning show

Arrested Development is the story of the Bluth family. The show picks up when George Sr. is arrested for securities fraud and his son Michael is left to pick up the pieces of the family and their business.

Arrested Development is designed to offend. Episodes regularly contain scripted bleeps. This enables the writers to use language, including "f**k" and "s**t," network censors would never allow. Arrested Development also employs some of the most outrageous double-entendres ever to find their way into prime-time. In one episode, for example, Tobias says he was an analyst and a therapist, making him the first "analrapist." Other episodes have delved into the bizarre sexual proclivities of the main characters, such as Lucille's revelation that she and George derive sexual pleasure from being strangled with a belt.

iSight camera + Quicktime 7 Pro = embarrassing video diary.

I get to drive my brother to Mellon Arena today so he can be in a Sidney Crosby Reebok commercial.

My brother has totally sold out.

Who's the bigger goat: the goat or the goat who starts him instead of Charlie Batch when we all know he's a goat?

Busy Busy Busy is a great site.

And this is a particularly good post.

Three things that help give me that special glow:
1. A paycheck.
2. Multiple apples a day.
3. Moisturizer.

Damn, if you can only watch one hockey game a month, aside from the losing, it might as well be that one. Crazy game. A ridiculous, fluke goal from Talbot to tie it late, and an amazing glove save from Caron to steal us a point. You can go whole seasons with out seeing stuff like that.

I hope the Pens can seriously upgrade their speed and defense before I see them next.

Also, I wouldn't bet against them having a new head coach before then.

I find it very difficult to put on rubber gloves in low light situations.

The world is passing me by. I feel like such a square since I can't watch That's So Raven on my iPod.

I am so behind the times.

A sports related post:
I was wrong, I get to watch one Penguin game between now and when TerrorMania closes. Tomorrow's game versus the Flyers doesn't show up anywhere on ESPN.com for some reason.

It's nice to know that the Yankees won't be winning the World Series. Now if someone could please beat the Cardinals...

I know this makes me a complete idiot but I'm excited about the Pirates. Lets hear it for the fundamentals! Tag the base!

The high point of the night: three young, blonde girls come through in a tightly packed group. I burst out of my cabinet and they stop dead in their tracks. I start with my child friendly routine, singing "under the knife, under the knife, who's the first under the knife?". The girls haven't budged. If I remember correctly, they've taken a step or two backwards. They recover and start moving forward. I point at the middle girl and ask "you?". She doesn't look at me and says "no" in a high, tiny voice.

The one thing I wish I'd done differently: there was a girl in the first group who was talking back about how I couldn't do anything to her because I'm not allowed to touch her (absolutely no touching patrons) which is true. I wish I had picked up one of the rubber gloves that litter my room and said as I was putting it on "there are ways around that rule".

One of my favorite things about fall: copious amounts of yellow apples.

Here we go Steelers.
Here we go.

3-1.

That would've been really bad if the Chargers had won that game. That was some of the worst officiating I've ever seen. I don't have any goats or game balls to give out.

That game was a total emotional roller-coaster.

• Since we don't get The Outdoor Life Network, I won't get to watch a Penguins game until November 9th. That's the price you pay for being a working man.


• Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit is brilliantly cute and awesome. Quality fun for all ages.
  
  Highest possible recommendation.


• Today's Spamusement comic is rather brilliant as well.


• Curb Your Enthusiasm is like a slightly raunchier version of Seinfeld where everyone is as bad an actor as Jerry Seinfeld.


• This is the list item where I link to pornography.

The song I'm playing over and over lately: 5th Ave. Crazy by Local H

Oh my god I love you so
and that's all you need to know
give me money give me blow
don't slow down 'cos red means go.

John Rogers on Bush's "major speech" from the other day:

You can't cite your enemy's delusional hopes as a basis for a rational strategy. Goals don't exist in a vacuum, they're linked to capability. David Koresh was utterly committed to being Jesus Christ. See how far that got him.

Either Bush is making strategy based on a delusional goal of his opponent, which is idiotic; or he's saying he believes his opponent has the capability of achieving this delusional goal, which is idiotic. Neither bodes well for the republic.

Two Things I Learned Yesterday:

• College kids show the perfect blend of amusement/confusion/disgust to the concept of 'black urine'.
• I weigh 129 lbs.

Ha ha ha!

I got a hit from someone searching for "pantsless photos".

Ha ha ha!

Other good searches include:

"barney rubble with guitar"

"nash kato is a loser"

(What's up with that last one?)

How I Spent October 8th 2005 by Nicholas Fredland:
2:00 am - 3:00 am: watched Star Trek: The Next Generation. Awesome episode where Captain Picard totally sticks it to, superstition, religion, and the Prime Directive. Take that, Prime Directive!
4:45 pm - 8:00 pm: Kicked ass.
8:01 pm - 8:26 pm: Dinner.
8:27 pm - 11:45 pm: Kicked so much ass.

I went into today wanting to Bring the Thunder at TerrorMania because I really wasn't on at all during the week.

I totally Brought the Thunder.

More detailed account to follow (maybe).

I spent some of yesterday printing bigass posters with Josh MacPhee. That was cool. I hadn't printed anything with the really big screens since my first day at AIR a year and a half ago. Printing with the big screens makes my fingers hurt.

My only complaint, aside from the finger hurting thing, is that it would've been nice if someone had told me he was the guy who wrote Stencil Pirates...must start paying attention...

The shotgun is to help ward off evil spirits. The garlic is for seasoning. In my dreams I can throw a perfect forkball. He wore gloves to hide his fingers from his thumbs. She was too afraid of what would happen when she stopped screaming to say hello. His buzz died before his brain. "Crazier things have happened" said the pantsless man. He sat alone and to his favorite hamburger wrote a poem. Your left breast is homeplate in my personal game of baseball. Life passes me by and gives me the finger. Sometimes you kiss the boot and sometimes the boot kisses you. I scab where I haven't bled.

How I Spent September 30th 2005 by Nicholas Fredland:
Woke up. Cooked egg. Ate egg sandwich. Read newspaper. Drove with my mother to pick up car that was inspected. Drove to AIR. Arrived at AIR at 10:30 am. Bought spray adhesive. Looked for tiny paint roller. Asked where to find tiny paint roller. Was told, "look in the box marked 'misc.'. Looked in box marked 'misc.'. Found tiny paint roller in box marked 'misc.". Touched up walls. Went to get lunch. Bought and ate turkey melt and tiny bag of Fritos. Vacuumed stairs. Talked about life's little quirks. Painted some more. Mopped floor. Bought orange juice. Mixed emulsion. Coated screens. Tried to help get something to print correctly out of Illustrator. Drank a shot of whisky. Walked into town for the Gallery Crawl. Went to gallery. Saw art. Saw cousin. Talked to cousin. Went to other gallery. Looked at art. Walked back to AIR. Coated more screens. Declined invitation to go get food. Left AIR at 9:00 pm. Drove home. Got home. Reheated fish. Ate fish sandwich. Watched end of Pitt game.