Contributor #1000
Paging Contributor #1000.
Ha!

How can you write a review of the Howl's Moving Castle movie and not mention Diana Wynne Jones?

Anyway, here's the trailer.

Josh Marshall is doing a little fundraising.
Congratulations to contributor #1000!

While I'm posting haikus...
Here's something I alluded to in an earlier post:

“Mama’s at Woolworth’s buying nipples”.

Nipples like snowflakes
Melting on the tip of your
Tongue, no two alike

Nipples like snowflakes
Melting beneath your hot tongue
And no two alike

Nipples like snowflakes
No two exactly alike
Melting on your tongue

Nipples like snowflakes
The opposite of melting
Beneath your hot tongue

Nipples like snowflakes
Catch them softly on your tongue
Never two alike

Nipples like snowflakes
Not melted by the touch of
Your lover’s soft tongue

Nipples like snowflakes
No two alike, inflamed by
Your lover’s soft tongue

Hey, check this out from
Enrico Casarosa
a talented man

I wear my Haiku
5-7-5 shirt with pride
when it's warm enough

Bree, I think we should just be friends.
You're a great girl.
You're going to make some guy really happy some day.
It's not you it's me.

It's just that I love Amy Sedaris.

Current favorite song: I Guess It's American - Superdrag.

I am incinerator
I have nothing to lose
right hand of the creator today
feel all right oh

I am incinerator
I owe nothing to you
I stand on the equator today
feels all right this way

if you ever pull that shit again
never see you the same way again
it's embarrassin'
I guess it's american
it's embarrassin'

I really should've gone to see John Davis earlier this month. Oh well. Put it in the Shows I Should've Gone To file with the Old 97's, the New Pornographers, Cousteau, and all the rest.

I love you, Bree Turner.
You make me crazy in a most appealing and non-violent way.

Night Train to Venice is probably the worst movie I've ever seen. And I've seen John Carpenter's Vampires and the Star Wars prequels.

The list of concerts for the Three Rivers Arts Festival is out today. No Wilco this year. I'll probably go see the Drive-By Truckers on June 11. I'll definitely be at the Aimee Mann show on June 18.

I Used To Be So Cute

This blog seems to have developed some sort of rash on the side bar.
When I scratch it (I know I shouldn’t scratch it) I go to other sites.
Does penicillin take care of that?

Yeah, I could go to the Comicon today, or make a 24-hour comic, or take a piece of art to Art All Night, or work on my screenplay, or any number of fun and worth while things, but I'll probably end up doing nothing.

No, worse than that, I'll probably end up watching the NBA playoffs.

There's also an opening at AIR tonight at 6:00. I'll probably go to that.

The hair on the right side of my head has gotten really curly.
I'm talking Little Orphan Annie curly.

I was reading over my screenplay and I realized that it is horribly written. I mean, the story is solid, and most of the dialogue is okay, but the prose of the descriptions is dreadful. So I’ve been trying to make it read better.

I’ve been reading a lot of screenwriting web sites lately. There are question after question from aspiring, young writers who want to know what to do about scripts with too many pages but there’s nothing about what to do when you’re too short. Probably because the answer is even simpler than what to do when you’re too long: (CUT STUFF) WRITE MORE STUFF, PUNK!

Unrelated: I had the most beautiful blonde curls when I was little. I think we’ve still got them around somewhere in a plastic bag.

Awesome.

Ahhh, the first grass cutting of the year.

Seventy-five pages.
Damn damn damn.
But at the same time:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not going to say that it's done but, uh, it's done.
Well, the end isn't quite right, and I still need a few more pages,
and a title, but, damn...

what do I do now?

My screenplay is just not long enough.
Maybe I should add a dream ballet.

Detriot's Ben Wallace is my favorite basketball player.
I love the way he plays the game.

And his hair.

Current music: Morning Glory - Oasis.

This is slow work and I am easily distracted.

Current music: Bankrupt Vibration - Superdrag.

Here’s where we stand. I roughed in the end of the screenplay last Thursday. I decided to let it sit over the weekend and then go over it on Monday when I would expand the end and add any scenes that were missing from the beginning.

Yesterday I added a scene that introduced some of the characters a little sooner than I had before. The scene also has them interacting with another character that they didn’t before. These characters really need to have a scene together. It’s the kind of thing where I look at it now and wonder how I missed having that scene.

I also went over the end but didn’t expand it as much as I had hoped. I ended up with seventy pages, which is more pages than I’ve ever written of anything, but still too damn short. Hey, it’s still a work in progress. I went over the pages looking for typos and then printed it all out.

Last night and early this morning I went over the pages, making my little blue notes. I’m just about to go back through it and make all the changes and expand a bunch of scenes. Hopefully it’ll balloon out to eighty odd pages.

I’m not sure if I’ll call that the first draft or not. I’ve still got over three weeks until my deadline. I’ll probably go over it a couple more times before I let anyone read it.

To work.

I had a dream the other night were I was hiding out, pants less, in a uni-sex bathroom. There was also some sort of golf cart chase involved. Anyway, I just thought you should know. I wanted to be the one to tell you. I didn't want you to hear about it from someone else. I didn’t want you to hear it from someone who was reading my thoughts as I slept.

Current music: Way Down Here Without You - Superdrag.

That's a freaky Coincidence.

Happy New Year!

A: LSD is good.
B: Man, nothing like good LSD.
A: Yeah, but I haven’t found anything that blows my mind like peyote.
B: When I want to really mess with my head I read romance novels.

Today, at 9:05 PM, is the one year anniversary of my First Post. I celebrated one day early by jumping on a trampoline with a bunch of little girls. It’s all your fault, Kelly. I mean the blog not the trampoline.

I think my lingering cough is gone.
It only lingered for a month and a half.
Good-bye, old friend.

Hammers, Knives and Butterflies.

I just looked down and saw that I've gone over 10,000 words. I don't think I've ever written 10,000 words of anything before. Not in a story, or a paper for school, or anything. They are coming fast and furiously.

I was writing this morning and I realized I had moved into the final act. Hopefully, I can bang out the rest of it this weekend and then go over it a couple more times before my deadline. This is so weird. I can see the end of it.

Back to work.

Is Meat Loaf’s Paradise By The Dashboard Lights the American Bohemian Rhapsody?

Oh yeah, Britney Spears is pregnant.
Quick, somebody cool have a baby to balance it out.
Hurry!

Damn, I tried to watch that Revelations show on NBC. They never really had me, but they lost me completely when the Satanists showed up. Satanists? Come on. Religion is one of my favorite genres, but this was just too ham-fisted. What are you doing, Bill Pullman. I try and like you but you make it so hard. I’m talking to you, Independence Day.

Anyway, I ended up watching the end of Can’t Buy Me Love instead. Man, it’s so beautiful when Patrick Dempsey gives his speech about how hard it is to just be yourself and then the jock guy shakes Hans Klopek’s hand. They carried him twelve blocks to the hospital and he cried the whole way! Wow.

And then, in the most courageous move of all, #22 starts the spontaneous applause. Do you know how much courage it takes to just start clapping for a beautiful human moment? Do you? Do you really? Brought a tear to my eye. Yes, it did. That scene is far more glorious than anything in the Bible, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, or L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics.

I can't stop eating these prunes.

• Driving a car barefoot is one of life's little joys.


• You'd think, with all the Ramen I've made, I could keep it straight that it's two cups of water for three minutes and not three cups of water for two minutes.


• I sketch the characters from my screenplay. I have it in the back of my mind to make a comic out of it or animate some of it. I very rarely draw the characters in situations from the story. Last night I was drawing three of the main characters, three little old ladies, going at each other with knives and hammers. Very strange.


• I've got over five pages done so far today.


• I love prunes.

I’m not going to write poems about you. This shirt is falling apart around us. Rubble on your back. Back rubble, as it were. “Weeeeeeee!” isn’t much of a battle cry. “No, I don’t live here,” he said, gesturing around the dumpster, “I’m just visiting.” My mother used to eat raw eggs. We come from strange stock. List your five favorite primates. What is your favorite food related sound? Mine is toast being buttered. I’ve got shoeboxes full of style, baby. Orange juice in your tea. How nice of you to grace us with your perfume. Don’t make me colder. Big bad bug. Don’t expect this to last forever—or even a day. What if you fell down the stairs and hit your head (ouch!). Flying with some other man’s wings. Mushrooms of love and devotion. Don’t monkey with me, my love. Crack to the head. It’s all right here in black and white. Sate my thirsty. Could you say it in another language? Grope me so I like it. Superman is made of rubber and wax. God is made of rubber and wax. I am made of rubber and wax. I can see her slipping off her shoes. Cringe and flinch, attorneys at law. Lets not pretend we’re married. I guess we could still go all night though. “I’m a few years beyond bath toys but that doesn’t mean I’m against having a little fun in the shower, madam.” May you cease to exist. There is no room for growth. What is your grossest torment? Where do you hide your sins? Is this filthy enough for you? What’s with all the questions? Lets just sit here and pretend we’re going to heaven. She keeps me from touching the ground.

To do:
1. Finish screenplay.
2. Improve golf game.
3. Fight temptation to get haircut.
4. Push-ups.
5. Hop, skip, fall in love.

One month to my self imposed deadline to finish the first draft of my screenplay. May 12th, my birthday. If I can't do it I think it's time to just call this whole damn thing off and join a convent.

Current music: Wrapped Around Your Finger - The Police.

Hey, I know her.

Show Palace newcomer Zanna Fredland is a stunner as Porter's mainstay, wife Linda. Her smoldering In the Still of the Night and I Worship You anchor each act and underscore the tragedies in Porter's life.

Wave Good-bye and Say Good Night.

Kids.

Babies. Hand.

Babies.

This may be a chair...

Babies.

Party Hat Babies.

Lots of Babies.

Babies.

I dub today 'Little Kids Sitting On Couches Day'.

The criteria are simple. There must be more than one kid. There can’t be any adults on the couch. It must be a couch. They have to be sitting upright. The more it looks like they can’t sit up on their own the better.

Brought to you by the fine folks at Flickr, and the Nicholas Fredland Has Too Much Time On His Hands Foundation.

Welcome, those of you who found this site by doing a Yahoo search for lyrics to the Bill Conti and Allee Willis classic You're The Best from the Karate Kid. That is a great song, isn't it? Its message of dedication and perseverance is truly timeless.

Fight ‘til the end
Cause your life will depend
On the strength that you have inside you

Ah you gotta be proud
starin’ out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you

Try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell
when you’re the one that’s standing there
you’ll reach the final bell!

(...)

Fight ‘til you drop
never stop
can’t give up
Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)
you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)
Listen to that sound
A little bit of all you got
Can never bring you down

You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!

And Joe Esposito, you are a god among men.

Current music: You're The Best - Joe Esposito.

On this date in 1241, Batu Kahn defeated Bela IV of Hungary at the Battle of Muhi.

I like to believe I’m descended from the Golden Horde, since, you know, they did spend time in Russia pillaging and raping my ancestors.

On May 12th 1328, exactly 650 years before I was born, Antipope Nicholas V was consecrated in Rome. I think it's a sign.

Also, the third pope was St. Cletus.

St. Cletus.

There was also a Pope Hilarius and a Pope Simplicius.

I hope we get a good pope name.

Larry the Cable Guy played two sold out shows yesterday at the almost 3,000 seat Benedum. Art Spiegelman talked to a less than capacity crowd (but better than I expected) at the 1500 seat Byham. Way to go, Pittsburgh humanity.

Friday: Stacked wood, made a little print, hung out with the cool kids.
Saturday: Blisters on my fingers from the driving range, watched Art Spiegelman smoke.

I don’t think it would be strange for a guy to change his last name when he got married if his wife’s last name was something interesting.

If I married Camilla Parker-Bowles’ daughter I’d change my name to Nicholas Parker-Bowles.

I think I’ll I change it anyway.

Nicholas Parker-Bowles.

That would work.

Congratulations to the happy couple.

"If I felt any better I would be the cupcake, like the sprinkles."

Wait, when is His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Great Master and First and Principal Knight Grand Cross of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Member of the Order of Merit, Knight of the Order of Australia, Member of the Queen's Service Order, Lord of Her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty getting married anyway?

Prince Charles is okay in my book because he knows how to fly a helicopter.

"Don't stop believing.
Hold on to that feeling.
Yeah."

My new favorite pastime is looking at cute baby pictures on Flickr. I like the 'stick all the kids on the couch and take a picture' pictures the best.

The annual University of Pittsburgh studio arts student show is tomorrow at the Frick Fine Arts Building from 4-6 pm. Come out and see all the students sporting their young artists having a show glow. There will be food too.

Current music: Singing In My Sleep - Semisonic.

From this story.

Dial, a sculptor and painter, was convicted of the 1981 murder of a karate instructor.

I bet the karate instructor's death wasn't anything like I'm imagining it. Somebody get to work on the made for TV movie.

Happy Unicorn Day!

Where did all this snow come from?

We are living in a popeless world.

Just got back from seeing Sin City.

They were carding like crazy. I had to show my drivers license to buy my ticket. I'm always mildly amused by that considering I've been of legal age to see an R rated movie for almost a decade now. It’s not the kid's fault. I do look like I'm fourteen. On top of that they were also checking ID's as you went into the theater. I missed that one though because I got to my seat before that guy appeared.

Lets get some things out of the way. One: I think Robert Rodriguez is a hack. Two: The Big Fat Kill is the only part of Sin City I've read. At least I think I read it. I’m 99 percent sure I read it. It made no impression on me. Three: I’m a Frank Miller fan. I love Ronin, Dark Knight Returns, Hard Boiled, and Batman: Year One among others. Four: I had my shirt on backwards.

The movie was all over the place. Some of it was brilliant. Some of it was painfully amateurish. Mickey Rourke was incredible. As were Clive Owen and Benicio Del Toro. Michael Madsen was embarrassing. Why not just get the actual Nick Nolte? Bruce Willis was horrible in the beginning of the film but was okay at the end. He was too young for the role. He was supposed to be an old man and he’s not an old man. Just because you can get Bruce Willis doesn't mean he’s right for the part. Lets think, who could we cast who is an older actor? How about Rutger Hauer? Nah, you couldn’t get Rutger Hauer. Rutger Hauer was awesome in his one scene. He would have made an incredible Hartigan. Elijah Wood was miscast. He looked creepy, but he didn’t move well.

All the women were good, especially Alexis Bledel and Rosario Dawson. Devon Aoki is gorgeous. I'm actually not a fan of gratuitous nudity. You never would have guessed, huh? I mean, come on, nudity is great and all but the sexiest thing in the movie (well, the thing that I thought was sexiest that I’ll admit to here) was Brittany Murphy hanging out the window. Emphasis on hanging out the window.

Let me sum up. An incredibly inconsistent film (which is not surprising considering the director and the source material) that has some cool moments and lines. When it's great it's great but when it's bad damn it is bad. I also thought that they didn't quite have the vocabulary down. They should have had more of the graphic shots. I don’t think the Yellow Bastard's evil was really shown. The ferocity of his demise wasn't justified. There was plenty of cool action but none of it had any sort of plausible motivation. That's fine in small doses but after two hours you start to pay attention. Maybe they should have cut the three stories together? I think I'm done summing up now.

But what do I know. Go see it. Don’t go see it. I’m not your mother.

One last thing, at least six people left during the movie. I don't think I've ever been to a movie where more than two people walked out.

I've been getting pretty freaking wordy lately.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me.

Strange day at AIR today. We have been in the process of moving the workshop to where the woodshop is and moving the woodshop next door. The mighty Jason H and I were tasked with getting rid of a huge pile of garbage that was in the space which will one day be the woodshop. Most of it was just cutting up cardboard boxes and putting the pieces in bags but there were some choice moments.

For instance, there were large pieces of styrofoam that some computers had been shipped in. We ended up breaking them into smaller pieces with a crowbar. This was actually pretty difficult. Apparently, styrofoam absorbs impacts rather well. Who would have thought? I also got to watch Jason H destroy a number of chairs with said crowbar.

All in all, a satisfying day.

This is one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg lines:

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me fliers. And when someone tries to hand me a flier it's kinda like they're saying 'here - you throw this away'.

Here's a bunch more.